


legal in 31 states

by atimi (bertee)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, M/M, Necrophilia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-01-14
Updated: 2009-01-14
Packaged: 2017-10-28 00:32:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/301777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bertee/pseuds/atimi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The metal rattled but didn't budge when Dean's foot slammed into the door.</p>
            </blockquote>





	legal in 31 states

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the blindfold_spn prompt: "Sam and Dean find out they had sex with each other's corpses."

The metal rattled but didn't budge when Dean's foot slammed into the door, and he followed it up with a frustrated punch when he heard Sam sigh behind him.

"Give it up, Dean. You heard what she said; we're not getting out of here until we confess."

Dean gave the immovable door one last kick before sinking to a seat on one of the wooden boxes that littered the storage unit. Head in his hands, he asked miserably, "Confess what? She's the one who's frickin' psychic. Shouldn't she know everything already?"

Sam shrugged. "I don't know. All she said was that we had to admit our 'impure love' and then we'd be released."

Dean raised an eyebrow, repeating skeptically, "Impure love? How do we know what counts as impure? She could be one of those people who doesn't believe in sex before marriage - every single time person I've slept with could be counted as impure love."

Sam didn't look convinced but suggested anyway, "We could try that." Standing up and looking around hopefully, he yelled, "I've had sex outside wedlock!"

"Me too," Dean chimed in.

The door didn't budge.

"Repeatedly," Dean added hopefully.

Still no movement.

"I enjoyed it?" he tried as a last-ditch attempt, shoulders slumping when they remained trapped.

Sam looked at his brother. "Any more ideas?"

Scrubbing a hand over his face, Dean tried again.

"I fuck guys!"

Nothing.

"I've been fucked by guys!"

Nothing.

"I've slept with multiple people at the same time!"

Nothing.

"I get a little turned on calling my dad 'Sir'!"

Nothing from the door but Dean got a raise of eyebrows from Sam, who contributed helpfully, "Y'know, I think what we do would probably count as impure."

Eyes brightening in hope, Dean yelled, "I fucked my brother! He liked it!"

"Ditto," Sam added with a smirk but sighed when the doors stayed closed.

Dean groaned in defeat. "Oh, come on." He looked despairingly at Sam. "Seriously, what's more fucked up than screwing your brother?"

A thought flashed through Sam's head and he dropped his gaze to the floor, hoping Dean wouldn't catch it.

He had no such luck, and Dean said knowingly, "You thought of something!"

"I didn't-"

"Liar." He grinned, leaning closer. "Come on, Sammy, 'fess up."

Sam's cheeks flushed. "I, uh, it's nothing."

"Bullshit. I don't wanna get old and die in this place. Say it and let's get out of here."

Gaze fixed on the floor, Sam mumbled under his breath, "I sorta, might have..."

His voice dropped too low to hear, and Dean smirked. "Speak up, Sammy. She can't hear y-"

"I had sex with your corpse, alright?" Sam snapped, face bright red at the admission. Dean visibly paled and he apologized quickly, "Oh God, I'm sorry. I just- It- You were gone, and I was lonely, and I didn't know what to do, and your body was all hard, and-"

Dean's look of shock morphed into one of mixed disgust and amusement as he asked in disbelief, "Wait, so you fucked yourself on my cock?" He looked slightly flattered. "Wow, even in the afterlife I'm still getting laid." He looked up at the embarrassed Sam with a grin. "You shoulda written 'Die Hard' on my tombstone."

Sam scowled, struggling to come to terms with his brother's reaction. "Dean, this isn't funny. It's sick, I should never have-"

Dean shrugged. "Relax, Sammy. At least one of us enjoyed it." He scratched uncomfortably at the back of his neck as he commented, "Actually, I have a confession to make too."

Sam smiled a little, still lost in self-recrimination. "What could possibly be as 'impure' as fucking the corpse of your dead older brother?"

"Fucking the corpse of your dead younger brother?" Dean suggested, cringing a little at the wide-eyed look on Sam's face. "Look, I was horny, okay? I had all this excess energy, and you were right there, and peaceful, and-"

"Dead, Dean!" Sam interrupted. "I was dead!"

"That didn't seem to stop you," Dean shot back bitterly. "At least you weren't torn to shit when you died. Me, I had more holes than a jungle gym when you decided to hop on board."

Sam glowered but admitted grudgingly, speaking loud enough for it to echo in the room, "Fine. I had sex with my dead, bloody brother."

"And enjoyed it?" Dean asked curiously.

"And enjoyed it," Sam confirmed miserably.

Dean beamed and proclaimed, "I tapped my brother's cold dead ass."

The door sprung open at the dual confessions and Dean pushed himself to his feet with a yell of triumph. "Yes!"

After running out before the witch could change her mind, Dean glanced over at his brother as they got in the car. "Y'know, this explains a lot."

Sam frowned, still pale from the revelations. "What do you mean?"

Sliding the key in the ignition, Dean answered cheerfully, "Well, it explains why you keep jizzing in your pants every time I get knocked unconscious."


End file.
